Dear Doc Lovelace,
I’m 35 years old and single. Last year, my boyfriend of seven years and I broke up due to a number of different issues, but one of the main reasons was that he wanted kids and I didn’t. We both knew that pretty early on in our relationship and we were both fine with it. Over time, he became more and more set on wanting kids and I was just as set on not having them. We eventually broke up in late 2020. Since then, I have come around on this and I now want kids. I don’t know what caused it, but I think the isolation caused by the pandemic might have had something to do with it. I want to find a new person to be with, but I don’t really know how to go about doing it and I’m very shy. I tried online dating a few times ten years ago, and that wasn’t my thing, plus; I feel like I’m too old to be on there anyway. The guys online, who are my age, are either jobless bums, they want girls who are 23, or they’re fat and bald. Where should I look? And is it bad if one of the main reasons I want a new guy is to have kids?
The first thing that comes to my mind is that you shouldn’t have kids because you lack
companionship. The Covid isolation situation that may have prompted your decision
isn’t cured by having a baby. So, maybe take up a hobby up that you enjoy, one that puts you in social environments with people who enjoy doing the things you like to do.
Think, hiking, biking, dancing… You could get a job where you meet people, food service, fitness trainer, events director. I’m assuming your boyfriend has moved on to another girl. In case I’m wrong, I’d revisit him if I were you. Then, for sure, try the online dating game.
There are sites that are suited to your age group, be patient. Your comment about fat and bald guys is offensive. Does a guy have to have hair for you to love and live happily ever after??
It’s safe to say that you too are not perfect. In the end, you’ll find your person, but before considering parenthood, try to remember all the reasons you didn’t want to have children in the first place. I would recommend counseling before jumping into that life-changing decision.