Dear Doc Lovelace,
I think my boyfriend has a serious porn problem. We’ve been together for three years, and when we first started dating, you couldn’t keep us away from each other. The sexual tension between us was immediate and magnetic. At the beginning of our relationship, I asked him if he watched porn, and after dancing around the question, he eventually owned up to it and said that he did. I told him that I didn’t care if watched that stuff as long as it didn’t come between us. Fast-forward a few years, and one of my girlfriends told me that when she started dating her new boyfriend, at that time, that he had to either stop watching porn or she wouldn’t date him. I thought it seemed overdramatic, but he did what she said, and they’ve been happy ever since. Over the past few months, I’ve noticed that my boyfriend has been spending a lot of time watching pornography and, um, pleasuring himself to it… like a lot. He confessed to me that he was watching 2-3 hours of it several nights a week. Meanwhile, we’ve been doing stuff a lot less. We still do it, but it’s not like how it used to be, and it’s a lot less frequent. I’ve kind of given him an ultimatum about it, but that hasn’t stopped him from watching, and I haven’t really put my foot down about it. It’s made me feel less confident about myself, and I’m not sure what to do. What do you think I should do?
Dear Get Real,
Don’t “think” he has a porn problem. “KNOW” that he has a porn problem. Porn addiction refers to a person becoming emotionally dependent on pornography to the point that it interferes with their daily life, “relationships,” and ability to function.
This is something that can definitely get worse with time. He should seek therapy. You should cut and run. Don’t waste another minute feeling insecure while pornboy plays with his ding-a-ling.
If you have to stay with him, ask yourself this; “Is this the guy that I want to
spend the rest of my life with? ” “Do I want HIM to be the father of my children?” “Does this man make me happy?” “Am I proud to be with this man?”
The answer is NO. NO. NO. NO!
You can stay and he can promise to stop, and then he’ll just sneak around with his laptop and God knows what else he’ll do. You can hang in while he goes to a shrink, but there will always be that “thing” in your head and his.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, grab your hook, line, and sinker and catch a decent guy that loves and respects you. A real man, not some loser that lives in fantasy land.
You deserve better!