“I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years, and since we got together, a lot has changed. When we first started dating when we were in our early 20s, he was going to Moorpark College, and I was working in retail. Since then, I feel like his life has stood still while mine has kinda moved on. I got my BA, and since then, I’ve been working in an office for several years and I make enough money to support myself and I have a lot of opportunities to advance at that job too.
For the entire time I’ve been with him, he hasn’t had a full-time job, and after he finished at Moorpark College, he hasn’t gone on to further his education either. He gets by on the money he makes by doing part-time work and by doing odd jobs, but he still lives at home with his parents, both of which enable him. What makes it worse is that he doesn’t even have a realistic career goal for himself either.
What should I do? I still love him, he’s my best friend, and I feel like I grew up with him, but over the last couple of years, I’ve grown to not respect him as a man.
Should I stay with and be in love with a man that isn’t going anywhere in his life and is someone that I don’t respect?”
Doc Lovelace’s advice:
Hey there Miss Got-it-together,
A new outfit that looks great and fits perfectly that you “love” usually won’t last forever. Time to drop it off at the Goodwill. It’ll be a good find and better suited for someone else.
Time to go shopping girlfriend! Get something that is your style NOW. Doesn’t mean you don’t like the old shirt; it just doesn’t fit anymore and frankly, it doesn’t look good on you.
Time is the only commodity. Don’t waste another minute of his or yours. Be grateful for the whole relationship and all that you’ve learned (about what you don’t want). Look at it like finishing a good book, was a good read but you have turned the last page. It’s not a bad thing, your relationship is complete now, MOVE ON!
To end it quickly, I recommend what I call the rip off the band-aid technique look him right in the eye and say, “I have found someone else, it’s over”, then get up and leave. It’s uncomfortable for that minute, but then it’s over. Block him on your phone.
Or you can tell him the truth and go through the whole long (most likely pathetic), drawn-out painful begging thing. For sure know this; if you continue with a person that you don’t respect, the only outcome is misery.
Cut ties now before you learn to hate him.
The faster you lose the dead weight and get on with your awesome life, the faster he will either find his perfect match (loser), or he will wake up and start acting like a man. Meanwhile, your upward trajectory will automatically attract the real thing that you love and respect.
Do it today!